Reference For These Notes:|Manners(Aadaab)/Birr_al-Waalidayn_(Honouring_Parents)


Respect your parents.

"And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents" [al-'Ankaboot 29:8]

"And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: 'My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young'" [al-Israa' 17:23]

Good deserves good.

"Is there any reward for good other than good?" [al-Rahmaan 55:60]

It says in a hadeeth that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): "Who among the people is most deserving of my good company?" He said, "Your mother." He asked, "Then who?" He said, "Your mother." He asked, "Then who?" He said, "Your mother." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5514; Muslim, 4621).

But the wife takes precedence over the mother in one case, and that is the matter of spending. If the husband cannot afford to spend on both his wife and his mother because he is poor, then in this case he should put his wife before his mother. The Muslim has to give what is due to each person who has a right over him, and he has to help the one who is oppressed. If his mother mistreats his wife, he has to put a stop to it, in a kind and fair manner.

And Allaah knows best.

Patience is a virtue of its own kind.

"... Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e., Allaah ordered the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly), then verily! He between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend. But none is granted it (the above quality), except those who are patient, and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion (of happiness in the Hereafter, i.e., Paradise, and in this world of a high moral character)."[Fussilat 41:35]

One must do the right thing where kin is concerned.

"and adjust all matters of difference among you" [al-Anfaal 8:1].

"There is no good in most of their secret talks save (in) him who orders Sadaqah (charity in Allaah's Cause), or Ma'roof (Islamic Monotheism and all the good and righteous deeds which Allaah has ordained), or conciliation between mankind; and he who does this, seeking the good Pleasure of Allaah, We shall give him a great reward" [al-Nisaa' 4:114]